unknownrival | (no subject)

[Locked to Eris]
I'm finished. Please fulfill your end of the bargain now.
[/Locked]

[Accidental Video Post]
[Issei is shown curled up into a ball on his bed, rocking back and forth. He's talking to himself, seeming as though he's desperately trying to convince himself of his own words - his voice is frantic bordering on hysterical.]

I-I never abandoned them, I tried to save them! I wanted to keep Kuzuki-nii safe and I couldn't, I couldn't protect Caster or anyone, but it's not my fault that they're dead. A-and when Shirou needed protection, it's not as if I ran away, I just left because he told me to. I wouldn't have been able to help him even if I'd stayed. I'm so, so sorry...

I'm not worthless, I can do this much. It isn't as if this is more harm than good, of course not. And it can't be because I'm worthless why they don't want me, don't want to involve me in their lives, don't want to even tell me what's going on, it can't be that. I trust them when they say they have reasons. I don't mess up everything I'm a part of, I'm not more harm than good, I wouldn't be better off just leaving everyone else alone. That isn't true!

I'm not a coward; when she's finished upholding the deal I'll go on and tell everyone what I did and why, like I said I would. B-because I'm not a bad person, and I don't care what they think of me afterward, I did the right thing. Even if the person I did it for hates me for it, I won't mind. Of course not. This was the right thing, it has to be. E-even though everyone decries me for it, surely once I explain they'll understand a little more.

A-and it's fine if I'm stupid and reckless and not worth anything and can't save anyone from being killed or worse and they all condemn me for this. It's fine because I knew that already! It doesn't matter who I hear say it. B-because we're friends and it's fine for them to know my flaws. I don't care.

It's all right if I'm no one, but I still, I still have to be able to protect the people close to me. That's all. If I can do that, everything else is unimportant. And I can do that, at least sometimes. Once. If I can just help him once, that's all I ask.

((Issei doesn't do well with trauma. Replies to comments will be a little while later, after he's calmed down some and put up a brave front. The actual explanation post will be a couple hours after that.))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

But I... I just...

If anything ever happens like that again, I want to be able to do something. I don't want to feel powerless.

Don't think about that now. It's not going to happen. We will not let it happen, you are not alone.

[Issei sighs and rests his head against Hakuba's shoulder.]

Thank you. I... I'm glad you're here.

[He moves his arm aroudn Issei's shoulder again.]

Don't thanks me for that.

If you say so. You're a very good friend, you know that?

Its the correct thing to do..ah..thanks. You are too, Issei. You helped me when I needed it.

Thank you. [Issei pulls him in for a brief hug before letting him go.] I'm sorry that I was handling this poorly.

[Aww hugging time >:]

No, you are doing better than I did. remember how I was?

I don't think being shellshocked is any worse than breaking down into a quivering wreck.

At least you get it out?

That's something, I suppose.

Yes. Now...[He still have an arm around his shoulders.] Let's have some tea or something.

I'd like that, Hakuba. Shall I go prepare some?

Unless you prefer to go somewhere? I will pay.

You don't have to, really. I can get you some tea.