(no subject)

[unknownrival]

[Locked to Eris]
I'm finished. Please fulfill your end of the bargain now.
[/Locked]

[Accidental Video Post]
[Issei is shown curled up into a ball on his bed, rocking back and forth. He's talking to himself, seeming as though he's desperately trying to convince himself of his own words - his voice is frantic bordering on hysterical.]

I-I never abandoned them, I tried to save them! I wanted to keep Kuzuki-nii safe and I couldn't, I couldn't protect Caster or anyone, but it's not my fault that they're dead. A-and when Shirou needed protection, it's not as if I ran away, I just left because he told me to. I wouldn't have been able to help him even if I'd stayed. I'm so, so sorry...

I'm not worthless, I can do this much. It isn't as if this is more harm than good, of course not. And it can't be because I'm worthless why they don't want me, don't want to involve me in their lives, don't want to even tell me what's going on, it can't be that. I trust them when they say they have reasons. I don't mess up everything I'm a part of, I'm not more harm than good, I wouldn't be better off just leaving everyone else alone. That isn't true!

I'm not a coward; when she's finished upholding the deal I'll go on and tell everyone what I did and why, like I said I would. B-because I'm not a bad person, and I don't care what they think of me afterward, I did the right thing. Even if the person I did it for hates me for it, I won't mind. Of course not. This was the right thing, it has to be. E-even though everyone decries me for it, surely once I explain they'll understand a little more.

A-and it's fine if I'm stupid and reckless and not worth anything and can't save anyone from being killed or worse and they all condemn me for this. It's fine because I knew that already! It doesn't matter who I hear say it. B-because we're friends and it's fine for them to know my flaws. I don't care.

It's all right if I'm no one, but I still, I still have to be able to protect the people close to me. That's all. If I can do that, everything else is unimportant. And I can do that, at least sometimes. Once. If I can just help him once, that's all I ask.

((Issei doesn't do well with trauma. Replies to comments will be a little while later, after he's calmed down some and put up a brave front. The actual explanation post will be a couple hours after that.))

Comments

Sure!

[stripping.livejournal.com]

I'm just lucky I was able to do what I intended.

>3

[clockmaster.livejournal.com]

yes but I know how bad it was. I'm coming to your world.

[stripping.livejournal.com]

Um, all right. I'll get prepared for a guest.

[clockmaster.livejournal.com]

No, that's not necessary, you don't have to organize me a visit, You need to relax.

[stripping.livejournal.com]

But I - if you're coming over, I should at least tidy things up a little!

[clockmaster.livejournal.com]

Fine, if it makes you feel better.

[Actio spam-After some minutes have a car parking near the temple]

[stripping.livejournal.com]

[Waiting outside of the temple. He looks a little pale.] Welcome back, Hakuba.

[clockmaster.livejournal.com]

[He comes closer and after a moment of doubt he moves an arm around Issei's shoulders.] I'm glad to see that you're mostly unharmed.

[stripping.livejournal.com]

[Issei blushes at the hug.] H-Hakuba, I... thank you. I'm happy to see you as well.

[clockmaster.livejournal.com]

[He's reluctant to let him go but..he does.]

How are you?

[stripping.livejournal.com]

I'm all right. I've been better, but... [He shrugs.] I at least can put up a brave face now.

[clockmaster.livejournal.com]

You can, but you don't have to, you know.

[stripping.livejournal.com]

I just - I know they have every reason to be concerned, but I don't want them to worry over me. It's somewhat hypocritical, I know.

[clockmaster.livejournal.com]

A bit. [He pats him on the back] Let's talk inside, alright?

[stripping.livejournal.com]

Ah, of course! Please, come in. [He holds open the door for his guest.]

[clockmaster.livejournal.com]

[Enters but he's concerned damn it.] Issei are you sure you're alright?

[stripping.livejournal.com]

I'm fine, Hakuba. You don't need to worry. [He's so lying.]

[clockmaster.livejournal.com]

[This face B| he doesn't believe you.]

[stripping.livejournal.com]

Why are you looking at me like that?

[clockmaster.livejournal.com]

Because I was on Cori's house to and I know how it is.

[stripping.livejournal.com]

...I kind of thought that might be it.

[clockmaster.livejournal.com]

[He puts a hand on his shoulder.]

You don't have to put on a facade with me. you don't have to tell me what you saw either.

[stripping.livejournal.com]

My post probably gave most of that away already... [He sighs.] Thank you, Hakuba. I appreciate it.

[clockmaster.livejournal.com]

Yes, my friend, it did.

[stripping.livejournal.com]

...We're friends, aren't we, Hakuba?