unknownrival | [RL with Birkin - you! I wanna take you to a gay bar!]

Birkin laughed loudly, the sound verging on a cackle. "Issei, remember who you're talking to. I can't even remember the last time I've done something safe or legal!" He turned the boat slightly moving away from where the island was a bit, having learned the protocol for keeping people from getting too nosy. "Hell, this boat isn't even registered anywhere!" He turned again, circling around the back of the island before slowing it down and flicking on the radar system in the boat. "We have sea mines surrounding the island," he explained. "Don't want any unexpected visitors, you know."

Sea mines. Wonderful.

"I'm going to die," Issei pronounced this quite calmly, though inside he was panicking. "I'm on a boat with a drunk person who's about to steer us into a sea mine. Farewell, my life. It was fun."

Birkin laughed loudly again, calmly steering the boat. "Relax, kid! No one's going to die. I've done this a million times before!" Actually, he hadn't, but he wasn't about to let Issei keep worrying.

"Trust me, Issei, just trust me." They were nearly to the dock anyway, thanks to Birkin's masterful drunk driving skills. "I'm more worried that no one's asleep and that they're going to be pissed I swiped the boat, honestly. Sea mines would at least kill us quickly!" He laughed surprisingly jovially at the thought.

"I don't want to be tortured to death!" Issei yelped, eyes going wide. "If I had known things would end up like this, I would have insisted on a place on my world! Even if I had been recognized, it's still better than dying an ignoble death at the hands of your comrades..."

"Please don't say the word 'comrade'," Birkin said sternly, tying the boat back up to the dock. "You sound like Krauser when you do." He stepped out of the boat shakily, holding a hand out to help Issei. Birkin smiled. "Don't worry about it! I protected you from that creepy guy, didn't I? I'll keep my friends from torturing you. Honest!"

"If you say so... I trust you." Issei took in a deep breath, and stepped onto the dock. "It's late at night, so hopefully they're all asleep. I don't want to meet any of them in person if I don't have to. ...Let's just go inside."

Birkin didn't bother mentioning that the island's sleep schedule was a little strange and even if it was 4 in the morning, at least one of them was guaranteed to be up. "They're really not all that bad," he mumbled as he laid his arm over Issei's shoulders, more to keep himself steady on his feet than anything else.

He fished through his pockets before pulling out a keycard triumphantly and using it to open the front door. "Welcome to our humble abode. Not quite as freaky as I'm sure some people expect it to look." He chuckled to himself. And Birkin was right, it looked completely like any other ordinary home really, if you ignored the occasional blood splatter on the floor.

Having heard the roar of the boat's motor - and being well aware that Birkin still wasn't back from his 'grocery shopping' trip - there was someone waiting for them.

Well, waiting wasn't quite accurate. But at the moment Birkin stepped through the door, a strange rumbling sound began to approach from the shadows down a nearby hallway.

Issei heard that rumbling sound and started clinging to Birkin again, hiding behind his back this time. "Th-this part is definitely 'freaky'. Gah! What is that sound?! It's coming closer, dear merciful Buddha..."

Birkin jumped at the sound too, backing away from the hallway slowly. He held his arm out in front of Issei, making him back up too. "Quiet! Be quiet!" he whispered furiously. "Just... No one needs to know I'm not the only one here, okay? So please. Stop. Screaming." He continued backing up though. "Breathe, Issei, just breathe... Nothing in here's going to kill you. They can't get out of the basement. Usually."

The rumbling sound grew closer and closer, a sortof rumbling, growling, squeaking sound. An indistinct shape formed in the darkness, too short to be a human being, moving too fast and too smoothly to be natural.

Then the wheel of the rolling office chair hit the slight bump where the hall met the flooring in the lobby, and Stein's chair overturned. He gave a yelp and landed flat on his back, still sitting in the chair.

He tilted his head back all the way, looking at them upside down.

"What sort of grocery store sells teenagers?" he asked.

Issei just stared for a few seconds. "...Is that what you said you were going to, Birkin?"

"Well, it's too late to pretend I wasn't here..." Issei bowed low, making eye contact with Stein on the floor. "I'm Ryudo Issei. It's nice to meet you, sir, and I promise not to make any trouble for you."

"Oh you stupid motherfucker!" Birkin screamed, not really caring if he woke everyone else up. "You nearly gave me a heart attack, goddamn it! What the hell is wrong with you?! You have legs just fucking..." He let out a grunt of frustration and he was damn sure his eye was starting to twitch. That chair. That fucking chair was going to find it's way to the bottom of the damn ocean at this rate.

Birkin looked confused for a second. What's all this about a grocer- Oh, right. "It's what they sell in the 'beyond' section of Bed, Bath & Beyond." He grabbed Issei by the shoulders and hauled him back a bit. "I thought he might brighten the place up a bit." Birkin smiled drunkenly.

"Iseei, do me a huge favor, and just roll with whatever I'm saying," he mumbled.

Stein got to his feet and dusted off his rump, then picked up the chair and straddled it, eyeing the two of them. He scarcely seemed to notice Birkin's screaming and excuses, gazing at Issei.

"Pleased to meet you, Issei-kun~" he said cheerfully. "I'm Dr. Franken Stein. I didn't expect any visitors tonight, or I'd have rolled out the welcome mat. So who did you kill?"

"M-me, I didn't kill anyone!" Issei protested, eyes going wide. "I just... Birkin picked me up. For a visit to your lovely abode. I really like what you've done with the place."

"Or for being furniture, I guess...?" He turned to glance at Birkin. "Your excuses are really stupid, you know that? Incredibly so." Issei turned back to Stein. "P-please be gentle with me."

Birkin frowned down at Issei. "You're a little brat sometimes, you know that. I didn't have to save you from that guy. I could have ignored you."

He clutched Issei to his chest and looked back up at Stein. "Okay, look. We've already had a hell of a night. I didn't go shopping, I actually went to a bar and killed a guy. So. Don't cut the kid open. I think he'd probably have a damn heart attack."

Stein inclined his head to Issei. "You're welcome here, Issei."

"But this is new," Stein went on, lighting up a cigarette and flashing his teeth in a wry grin. "Birkin, you've brought someone here who isn't a murderer or a test subject? Just why did you bring him here?"

"I don't mean to seem ungrateful," Issei mumbled so that, hopefully, only Birkin could hear. "I do appreciate all you've done, I just thought that your excuse was stupid."

...Birkin had killed someone? In a bar? That mean that the man who had been molesting him earlier was now... Issei didn't say a word. Now was not the time to panic. Stein still scared him a little, even if he said that Issei was welcome on the island. Better to let Birkin handle this.

Birkin rolled his eyes. It was late, he was tired, and frankly, he wouldn't mind falling over and sleeping on the floor right about now. "Because. My body aches for him," he said in a deadpan tone.

"Why the hell do you think I brought him here? He needs a ride back to his place and I wasn't about to make him sleep in the boat while we wait for Adachi to get his beauty sleep." He scoffed and let go of Issei finally, folding his arms over his chest.

Stein blinked at Birkin slowly, then shook his head. "Okay," he said. "No need to get all defencive, Birkin. I wasn't accusing you of anything this time."

He shrugged. "At least, not of anything you don't do all the time."

His attention slide to Issei again and he smiled. "Well, I guess we'd better get you set up on the couch. Adachi is asleep at the moment, I think, so you can get your ride home tomorrow. And then I'll take my drunk boyfriend to bed and punish him."

Anyone who knew Issei wouldn't be surprised that at this point, he was stammering and blushing like mad. F-first Birkin's joke, and then Stein's insinuation...!

After a few moments of that, he was able to breathe and compose himself slightly. "Th-thank you?" he answered, not wanting to talk about anything besides his couch for the night.

"You doing okay there, kid?" Birkin snickered slightly at the blushing. Not that he was any better usually, but damn if it wasn't funny. His voice dropped suddenly. "If I don't end up waking up tomorrow, you're fine with asking Adachi yourself, right?"

He scowled slightly. "I don't even know what you're talking about! I do not do anything like this ever!" A small 'hmph!' came out of his throat. Well, dragging people home with him he did quite a bit.

Stein just looked at Birkin, then rolled his eyes. "No, you never bring people home. Wesker must be crazy, and Adachi and Shito were hallucinations. I'll go find some clean bedding for Issei," he said.

He dragged the chair back a little ways, off of the lobby flooring. Then he sat down again and pushed off with one foot, slowly rolling himself back down the hallway.

"...I'm fine." Issei watched Stein go, warily. "May I make an honest comment here? Your boyfriend is a little scary."

Issei sighed. "Yes, I'm fine with asking him. But are you going to be okay? He won't hurt you, will he?" Concern crept into his voice without him even realizing it. "I didn't mean to cause you trouble. I'm very sorry."

"I know, isn't he great?" Birkin said with a very honest, slightly delusional smile.

Birkin simply shrugged. "Yeah, probably. To both." He smirked at the concern. "Don't worry about it, Issei, I can take care of myself. Plus, it's not like Stein's going to kill me. He likes me too much." He ruffled Issei's hair playfully. "You're not causing trouble, it's my own damn fault for drinking." Birkin let out a laugh. "Don't apologize, really, it's nothing!"

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