I just want a bit part in your life

Can we aim for a level between 'roughed up' and 'dead', not inclusive? I have a worldhop arranged already.

I assume Diarmuid will absolutely refuse to have me come along, so I won't bother making the argument.

I have the strangest friends.

If no one minds, I'm just venting a little and proposing a theory. Feel free to skip this.

( ICly cut. )

While he isn't the king of making attention-grabbing introductions, you absolutely should welcome Emiya Shirou into the community. As his best friend, it's my responsibility that he feel as comfortable as he can in a world-spanning sentient website of little relation to ducks.

...And. I'm just happy to see him again.

[Look, it's Issei standing outside his temple, he's holding a pretty big box of... What are those?

Please don't say those are your new pets, Issei...]

Birkin, I found something for you. Well, more accurately I found something I don't want their current owner to have, I can't really destroy them without risking serious injury to myself, and I'm giving them to you.

These are worms.

((The comments may also be NSFW and possibly triggering? Heavens Feel is not a fun route, it's really not.))

So what does one do with two Kaitou Kid plushies? I'm open to any suggestions.

[Fail!lock to Hakuba.]
Thank you, Hakuba. I really do appreciate you helping me for the duration of that virus.

Issei hovered near the door to the island's building. He knew Birkin was in there. He also knew Annette was in there, and Stein, and Wesker. He did not want to meet any of them. On the other hand, he had no idea where Birkin was in there.

With a sigh, he opened the door and took a tentative step inside. If this all went badly, he would blame Birkin for it. It would be his fault anyway.

I would appreciate if viruses would remember that I am, in fact, taken. They affect what I think, which affects what I do, which can be extremely embarrassing and regrettable.

Shirou, Archer, it really doesn't matter who cooks for me today. If you can't come to some agreement, I'll just head back to the temple and have one of the monks make something.

Kid, you're going to have to wear something other than your heisting clothes eventually. For one thing, you can't sleep in them.

Haruto... yes, Archer is a spirit, but he isn't out to get you. Please treat him with a bit more respect than that.

Honestly, you all. [He chuckles fondly.] What am I to do with you?

((Issei's fondest wish is to have everyone he's in love with love him back, so now he lives in Shirou's house and has a harem. Kaito and Haruto are free to point out that they're definitely not there with him at the moment, to which Issei will D8.))

[At first, there's no picture. All that can be seen is a blank screen. However, Issei starts to speak.]

Do you know the festival Ryuujin Matsuri? The dragon god of Fuyuki's river Miongawa rampaged many, many years ago. A traveling monk prayed for three days and three nights. At the end of that, the dragon was converted to Buddhism. The monk joined Ryudoji Temple, and the dragon god taught judo to the monks there.

Myself, I prefer karate.

[Finally a picture appears. It's the hallway of Issei's school. Issei is standing calmly over another male teenager, who is lying on the ground groaning in pain.]

And that's why you're on the floor right now. Hm, that festival is coming up, isn't it? I should be preparing...

((Before anyone gets on my case, him being skilled at karate is obscure, just-translated for me canon. Sob.))