[Forward-dated to tomorrow because I'm in surgery okay I'm *allowed*]

[unknownrival]

[Failed filter away from Diarmuid]
I'd like to speak to someone with medical experience as soon as possible, please. It's somewhat important in the 'oh god oh god oh god' sense of important.

[Failed filter to Diarmuid]
You need to come back right now. I can't tell you this over the internet.

[False pregnancy virus to start us off! Look, it's tomorrow in Australia and I have surgery to do.]

Comments

[successful lock]

[unknownrival]

No, it's nothing like that. It's, well...

I have reason to believe I might be pregnant.

[locked]

[wearsmanymasks]

nope nope nope nope nope nope nope

[locked]

[unknownrival]

I took a pregnancy test and it told me I was but pregnancy tests are not designed to be used by men, so there's still room for error.

[locked]

[wearsmanymasks]

No shit there's room for error! In fact, it's worse than that - if a man makes one of those tests show positive, he probably has cancer. Testicular cancer, Issei! Not that I particularly wish any sort of evil on your genital region, in fact, I can safely say I'm one of about 5% of the community population who doesn't give a hoot about your genital region, but that's far more likely than the other option!

Unless there's something you're not telling me?

...lots of somethings you're not telling me?

[locked]

[unknownrival]

Aside from the unexplained weight gain and the morning nausea? I just thought - community thing.

But, that's why I wanted to ask a qualified person. Thank you, Regene. I owe you a great deal.

[locked]

[wearsmanymasks]

There are other reasons for those sorts of things, you know. Okay, fine, I can't rule out the possibility that you got knocked up entirely (but you should have been using things anyway), but the community would have a pretty sick sense of humor to go that far, surely?

And don't get the wrong idea! I'm... not exactly qualified, not by a long shot! Go to a real doctor! On your world! Or at least get some sort of, I don't know, healing mage to look at you? I have no idea how these things work.

[locked]

[unknownrival]

Remember that this community has killed me, twice. I have low expectations for its sense of humor.

I wasn't sure how I would explain it to them if I was pregnant- but you're right, I should and I will set up an appointment immediately.

[locked]

[wearsmanymasks]

That's funny. This is just gross.

[locked]

[unknownrival]

So you don't want to be Uncle Regene?

[locked]

[wearsmanymasks]

While you're with the doctor, please get them to check for brain damage.

[locked]

[unknownrival]

Unkie-wunkie Regene.

[locked]

[wearsmanymasks]

I take it back, I hope your balls drop off in agony.

[locked]

[unknownrival]

You're such a good friend.

[locked]

[wearsmanymasks]

The best you deserve, to be honest.

[locked]

[unknownrival]

I suppose that's true.

[locked]

[wearsmanymasks]

Who does it theoretically belong to, anyway?

[locked]

[unknownrival]

Diarmuid. I haven't slept with anyone else for a long time.

[locked]

[wearsmanymasks]

Can't say I really know him all that well - but he's certainly a better result than some of the other ideas I had.

[locked]

[unknownrival]

Believe me, I know exactly how bad an idea certain people would be.