unknownrival | [RL with Birkin - you! I wanna take you to a gay bar!]

Issei clung to him, burying his face in Birkin's chest. Always a very tactile person, today it had the added benefit of making him not notice the change in eye color. "I... I'm fine. He just molested me a little... and wouldn't leave me alone." He took in a deep breath. "I thought you said that no one would do anything, it was just talking?"

Birkin sighed in relief; Issei was fine, which meant that his eyes and the rest of him was back to his sad little realm of humanity. "I know what I said. I'm sorry, I should have warned you about guys like that." He wrapped his arms around the monk, holding him in place as he nervously glanced around the room at people staring at them in shock and fear and - Oh shit he'd actually killed that guy, hadn't he?

Issei, he realized, must be fearless, hugging someone like him after watching him throw a man across the room. Maybe he just honestly didn't care, or somehow didn't notice... But Birkin wasn't about to start looking a gift horse in the mouth and bring that up any time soon.

"I-it's all right. You didn't know that this would happen, so it's fine." Issei took in a deep breath, then lifted his head to look at Birkin. "Thank you. For protecting me."

He turned his head and glanced around him at the people staring. "...is he going to be okay? Should someone call an ambulance?"

"Yeah, he'll be just fine." No, he was probably dead as a doornail and had his spine broken in a few places. Oh well. "We should probably go." Birkin chuckled nervously. If this showed up on the evening news... Ah, fuck. "Anytime, Issei. That's, uh, kinda what I'm here for." He was blushing and starting to usher the monk over to the door.

"Yes, we should." Issei followed willingly, turning back to look at Birkin and blushing slightly himself. "B-before everything happened, was I good at flirting? I really was trying, that time... I want to do well."

"Hey, he made out with you, didn't he?" Birkin simply shrugged. "That means he liked you. Ergo, you were good at flirting."

He walked them both over to the dock where Birkin had parked the boat that would take them back to the island. "I probably should have given you the 'don't take drinks from strangers' lesson first, huh?" He rolled his eyes at himself. Knew there was something he forgot... "Are you alright coming back with me? Adachi can worldhop so we can get you home without a problem." Hopefully everyone, or nearly everyone, was going to be asleep by now.

"I suppose..." Issei sounded a bit unsure.

He climbed aboard, settling himself inside the boat. "Yes, I'm fine returning home with you. There isn't anything else to do in this situation, since I can't worldhop myself. Thank you for taking me out, Birkin. I enjoyed parts of it."

"I'm glad the night wasn't totally ruined for you." He hopped in the driver's seat, trying to remember which levers did what. Now that the adrenaline had warn off, he was starting to feel the effects of his drunkenness again. "You might want to hold on to something." Big lever forward makes boat go forward. He could do this. This was easy.

The boat lurched forward and sped off towards the general direction of the island. ...They needed to name that thing one of these days.

"I enjoy spending time with - whoa!" Issei clutched the side of the boat. "-with you. We should meet up again sometime. Perhaps with no drinking involved, and perhaps at my place."

He felt a bit nervous, and had to ask, even though it was a tad rude. "You were drinking a fair amount... are you sure it's safe or legal for you to be driving the boat?"

Birkin laughed loudly, the sound verging on a cackle. "Issei, remember who you're talking to. I can't even remember the last time I've done something safe or legal!" He turned the boat slightly moving away from where the island was a bit, having learned the protocol for keeping people from getting too nosy. "Hell, this boat isn't even registered anywhere!" He turned again, circling around the back of the island before slowing it down and flicking on the radar system in the boat. "We have sea mines surrounding the island," he explained. "Don't want any unexpected visitors, you know."

Sea mines. Wonderful.

"I'm going to die," Issei pronounced this quite calmly, though inside he was panicking. "I'm on a boat with a drunk person who's about to steer us into a sea mine. Farewell, my life. It was fun."

Birkin laughed loudly again, calmly steering the boat. "Relax, kid! No one's going to die. I've done this a million times before!" Actually, he hadn't, but he wasn't about to let Issei keep worrying.

"Trust me, Issei, just trust me." They were nearly to the dock anyway, thanks to Birkin's masterful drunk driving skills. "I'm more worried that no one's asleep and that they're going to be pissed I swiped the boat, honestly. Sea mines would at least kill us quickly!" He laughed surprisingly jovially at the thought.

"I don't want to be tortured to death!" Issei yelped, eyes going wide. "If I had known things would end up like this, I would have insisted on a place on my world! Even if I had been recognized, it's still better than dying an ignoble death at the hands of your comrades..."

"Please don't say the word 'comrade'," Birkin said sternly, tying the boat back up to the dock. "You sound like Krauser when you do." He stepped out of the boat shakily, holding a hand out to help Issei. Birkin smiled. "Don't worry about it! I protected you from that creepy guy, didn't I? I'll keep my friends from torturing you. Honest!"

"If you say so... I trust you." Issei took in a deep breath, and stepped onto the dock. "It's late at night, so hopefully they're all asleep. I don't want to meet any of them in person if I don't have to. ...Let's just go inside."

Birkin didn't bother mentioning that the island's sleep schedule was a little strange and even if it was 4 in the morning, at least one of them was guaranteed to be up. "They're really not all that bad," he mumbled as he laid his arm over Issei's shoulders, more to keep himself steady on his feet than anything else.

He fished through his pockets before pulling out a keycard triumphantly and using it to open the front door. "Welcome to our humble abode. Not quite as freaky as I'm sure some people expect it to look." He chuckled to himself. And Birkin was right, it looked completely like any other ordinary home really, if you ignored the occasional blood splatter on the floor.

Having heard the roar of the boat's motor - and being well aware that Birkin still wasn't back from his 'grocery shopping' trip - there was someone waiting for them.

Well, waiting wasn't quite accurate. But at the moment Birkin stepped through the door, a strange rumbling sound began to approach from the shadows down a nearby hallway.

Issei heard that rumbling sound and started clinging to Birkin again, hiding behind his back this time. "Th-this part is definitely 'freaky'. Gah! What is that sound?! It's coming closer, dear merciful Buddha..."

Birkin jumped at the sound too, backing away from the hallway slowly. He held his arm out in front of Issei, making him back up too. "Quiet! Be quiet!" he whispered furiously. "Just... No one needs to know I'm not the only one here, okay? So please. Stop. Screaming." He continued backing up though. "Breathe, Issei, just breathe... Nothing in here's going to kill you. They can't get out of the basement. Usually."

The rumbling sound grew closer and closer, a sortof rumbling, growling, squeaking sound. An indistinct shape formed in the darkness, too short to be a human being, moving too fast and too smoothly to be natural.

Then the wheel of the rolling office chair hit the slight bump where the hall met the flooring in the lobby, and Stein's chair overturned. He gave a yelp and landed flat on his back, still sitting in the chair.

He tilted his head back all the way, looking at them upside down.

"What sort of grocery store sells teenagers?" he asked.

Issei just stared for a few seconds. "...Is that what you said you were going to, Birkin?"

"Well, it's too late to pretend I wasn't here..." Issei bowed low, making eye contact with Stein on the floor. "I'm Ryudo Issei. It's nice to meet you, sir, and I promise not to make any trouble for you."

"Oh you stupid motherfucker!" Birkin screamed, not really caring if he woke everyone else up. "You nearly gave me a heart attack, goddamn it! What the hell is wrong with you?! You have legs just fucking..." He let out a grunt of frustration and he was damn sure his eye was starting to twitch. That chair. That fucking chair was going to find it's way to the bottom of the damn ocean at this rate.

Birkin looked confused for a second. What's all this about a grocer- Oh, right. "It's what they sell in the 'beyond' section of Bed, Bath & Beyond." He grabbed Issei by the shoulders and hauled him back a bit. "I thought he might brighten the place up a bit." Birkin smiled drunkenly.

"Iseei, do me a huge favor, and just roll with whatever I'm saying," he mumbled.

Stein got to his feet and dusted off his rump, then picked up the chair and straddled it, eyeing the two of them. He scarcely seemed to notice Birkin's screaming and excuses, gazing at Issei.

"Pleased to meet you, Issei-kun~" he said cheerfully. "I'm Dr. Franken Stein. I didn't expect any visitors tonight, or I'd have rolled out the welcome mat. So who did you kill?"

"M-me, I didn't kill anyone!" Issei protested, eyes going wide. "I just... Birkin picked me up. For a visit to your lovely abode. I really like what you've done with the place."

"Or for being furniture, I guess...?" He turned to glance at Birkin. "Your excuses are really stupid, you know that? Incredibly so." Issei turned back to Stein. "P-please be gentle with me."

Birkin frowned down at Issei. "You're a little brat sometimes, you know that. I didn't have to save you from that guy. I could have ignored you."

He clutched Issei to his chest and looked back up at Stein. "Okay, look. We've already had a hell of a night. I didn't go shopping, I actually went to a bar and killed a guy. So. Don't cut the kid open. I think he'd probably have a damn heart attack."

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