[Forward-dated to tomorrow because I'm in surgery okay I'm *allowed*]

[unknownrival]

[Failed filter away from Diarmuid]
I'd like to speak to someone with medical experience as soon as possible, please. It's somewhat important in the 'oh god oh god oh god' sense of important.

[Failed filter to Diarmuid]
You need to come back right now. I can't tell you this over the internet.

[False pregnancy virus to start us off! Look, it's tomorrow in Australia and I have surgery to do.]

Comments

[unknownrival]

I'm definitely keeping him or her, so yes. Thank you, Kefka.

[sandinmyboots]

Ok. Do you know how far along you are? I don't know if I'll be able to do much with magic, but I'm sure I've got a book on how to do baby health on this tower somewhere.

[Hmm. Kefka starts talking to himself as he starts pulling on a bathrobe over his pajamas and scrambles to the library.] I wonder if I can check the old laboratories and see if there's any old medbots! Or I could grab Cid from his little island; I'm pretty sure he remembers how to do stuff with babies since he did those experiments with them back in the day. Seventeen years isn't that long, right?

[unknownrival]

I don't think I'm far along at all, I'm just starting to show. And - if it's all the same to you, no experiments on my baby, please.

[sandinmyboots]

Don't worry, that wasn't my area. I'm a soldier, not a scientist. Cid's retired, anyway. He double-crossed us because oh no, experimenting on living beings for use in war is wrong, despite the fact that he'd been doing it for fifteen years without a problem beforehand, and then he had the nerve to act like it was my fault!

[unknownrival]

That does seem a little hypocritical...

[sandinmyboots]

He was the one who gave me my powers! His research started the whole thing, so he should finish it!

[Kefka skids into the library. There's a couple ninjas reading on couches in the corner, a robot hangs from the ceiling by a chain and is scanning a bookshelf, and the librarian is a young woman with sharp fangs.]

"Lord Kefka, what do you need?"

Where's the medical section?

[She points. Kefka scrambles.]

[unknownrival]

...You have quite an interesting library, Kefka.

[sandinmyboots]

Yeah, we ended up merging the city library with the government research library, so the content varies wildly!

[swing and a miss]

[unknownrival]

I'm grateful for your help.

[sandinmyboots]

[Saying what's in his head out loud:] I have no idea how to respond to that.

I should be there in fifteen or twenty minutes. I'm pretty sure the baby won't explode in that time, right? I can do a basic diagnostic and then find someone who knows more about this stuff.

[unknownrival]

I'll be right here, waiting. You don't have to worry.

[sandinmyboots]

Can you write up a list of symptoms for me?

[unknownrival]

Give me a moment.

[sandinmyboots]

Ok. I'm working on getting a hop.

[unknownrival]

Morning sickness, unexplained weight gain, excessive tiredness, frequent urination.

[sandinmyboots]

Sounds like pre - auUGH!

[Kefka drops into Issei's world about twenty feet above the stairs.]

[Consequently, anyone near the stairs is going to get an eyeful of Kefka rolling down the stairs in a whirl of scarves and indignant shrieks.]

[unknownrival]

[At the foot of the stairs, Kefka will find a very panicked Issei, a little too late to catch him.] Are you okay??

[sandinmyboots]

Ugh. I think so.

[Kefka has landed on his back, his legs sprawled over the stairs. He slowly tips himself back in a reverse somersault, landing on his knees. He flips his ponytail out of his face and dusts off his clothing. Everything's gotten rumpled, but he's escaped bruises and breaks.]

It is still so surreal to hear you say that.

[unknownrival]

Pregnancy? It's surreal to me as well.

[Probably most of anyone.]

[sandinmyboots]

I meant -

["Kefka, are you ok?"]

[He's waiting for the other shoe to drop.]

Ugh, nevermind. Let's go inside. Some of the stuff I need to ask is kind of private.

[unknownrival]

Right. This way.

[Issei's room is cozy, politely put.]

[sandinmyboots]

[Kefka steals a few pillows for sitting upon.]

Ok. First off, have you always happened to have a uterus, or did the community give you one magically?

[Some men have uteruses! Kefka wants to check how much of this, if any, is magically induced.]

[unknownrival]

None of my doctors before have said anything about me having a uterus. I'm going to go with the community on this one.

[sandinmyboots]

Alright. I'd guess that moved around some organs, but it doesn't seem like it's caused any organ failure or we'd already know. Because you'd be dying. Have you ever seen kidney failure?

[Kefka realizes he's rambling due to his nerves and shakes his head, getting himself back on task.]

Anyway, I don't know enough about this kind of thing to do a physical, so I'd like you to lie down and get comfortable so I can do a magical scan. I also brought some panaceas for you to take later; they won't completely nix the symptoms, but they won't be as bad.

[unknownrival]

[Issei shrugs and settles back on his bed, making himself comfortable.] Will this do, doctor Kefka?