[Forward-dated to tomorrow because I'm in surgery okay I'm *allowed*]

[unknownrival]

[Failed filter away from Diarmuid]
I'd like to speak to someone with medical experience as soon as possible, please. It's somewhat important in the 'oh god oh god oh god' sense of important.

[Failed filter to Diarmuid]
You need to come back right now. I can't tell you this over the internet.

[False pregnancy virus to start us off! Look, it's tomorrow in Australia and I have surgery to do.]

Comments

[unknownrival]

I'm pregnant.

[sandinmyboots]

[FALLS OFF HIS CHAIR]

[It's the idea of pregnancy in general that gets him. He can't deal with life showing up! It's terrible. Awful. Nasty. All those...internal fluids... Yuck yuck yuck. It was so much easier to deal with in the context of fighting.]

[But if Kefka doesn't deal with it, someone else will, and then Issei won't owe Kefka a world-sized favor once Kefka gets his 'destroy everything' plan together. Sometimes sacrifices must be made.]

Urgh, pregnancy...with babies and blood and that...yuck! You owe me for being willing to deal with this. First off, should I bring prep for keeping it?

[unknownrival]

I'm definitely keeping him or her, so yes. Thank you, Kefka.

[sandinmyboots]

Ok. Do you know how far along you are? I don't know if I'll be able to do much with magic, but I'm sure I've got a book on how to do baby health on this tower somewhere.

[Hmm. Kefka starts talking to himself as he starts pulling on a bathrobe over his pajamas and scrambles to the library.] I wonder if I can check the old laboratories and see if there's any old medbots! Or I could grab Cid from his little island; I'm pretty sure he remembers how to do stuff with babies since he did those experiments with them back in the day. Seventeen years isn't that long, right?

[unknownrival]

I don't think I'm far along at all, I'm just starting to show. And - if it's all the same to you, no experiments on my baby, please.

[sandinmyboots]

Don't worry, that wasn't my area. I'm a soldier, not a scientist. Cid's retired, anyway. He double-crossed us because oh no, experimenting on living beings for use in war is wrong, despite the fact that he'd been doing it for fifteen years without a problem beforehand, and then he had the nerve to act like it was my fault!

[unknownrival]

That does seem a little hypocritical...

[sandinmyboots]

He was the one who gave me my powers! His research started the whole thing, so he should finish it!

[Kefka skids into the library. There's a couple ninjas reading on couches in the corner, a robot hangs from the ceiling by a chain and is scanning a bookshelf, and the librarian is a young woman with sharp fangs.]

"Lord Kefka, what do you need?"

Where's the medical section?

[She points. Kefka scrambles.]

[unknownrival]

...You have quite an interesting library, Kefka.

[sandinmyboots]

Yeah, we ended up merging the city library with the government research library, so the content varies wildly!

[swing and a miss]

[unknownrival]

I'm grateful for your help.

[sandinmyboots]

[Saying what's in his head out loud:] I have no idea how to respond to that.

I should be there in fifteen or twenty minutes. I'm pretty sure the baby won't explode in that time, right? I can do a basic diagnostic and then find someone who knows more about this stuff.

[unknownrival]

I'll be right here, waiting. You don't have to worry.

[sandinmyboots]

Can you write up a list of symptoms for me?

[unknownrival]

Give me a moment.

[sandinmyboots]

Ok. I'm working on getting a hop.

[unknownrival]

Morning sickness, unexplained weight gain, excessive tiredness, frequent urination.

[sandinmyboots]

Sounds like pre - auUGH!

[Kefka drops into Issei's world about twenty feet above the stairs.]

[Consequently, anyone near the stairs is going to get an eyeful of Kefka rolling down the stairs in a whirl of scarves and indignant shrieks.]

[unknownrival]

[At the foot of the stairs, Kefka will find a very panicked Issei, a little too late to catch him.] Are you okay??

[sandinmyboots]

Ugh. I think so.

[Kefka has landed on his back, his legs sprawled over the stairs. He slowly tips himself back in a reverse somersault, landing on his knees. He flips his ponytail out of his face and dusts off his clothing. Everything's gotten rumpled, but he's escaped bruises and breaks.]

It is still so surreal to hear you say that.

[unknownrival]

Pregnancy? It's surreal to me as well.

[Probably most of anyone.]

[sandinmyboots]

I meant -

["Kefka, are you ok?"]

[He's waiting for the other shoe to drop.]

Ugh, nevermind. Let's go inside. Some of the stuff I need to ask is kind of private.

[unknownrival]

Right. This way.

[Issei's room is cozy, politely put.]

[sandinmyboots]

[Kefka steals a few pillows for sitting upon.]

Ok. First off, have you always happened to have a uterus, or did the community give you one magically?

[Some men have uteruses! Kefka wants to check how much of this, if any, is magically induced.]

[unknownrival]

None of my doctors before have said anything about me having a uterus. I'm going to go with the community on this one.